My Story Has Changed AND It Is Still True.

The Meditation Mantra of the Month is Satya; truthfulness, integrity in word and action.

When we cling to our certainties, likes, and dislikes, deeming them essential to our sense of self, we alienate ourselves from the “great transformation” of the Way, because the reality is that we are all in constant flux, moving from one state to another. ”

Karen Armstrong, 12 Steps to a Compassionate Life

I tell the story about how I got into yoga and out of the “traditional” church every time I do a retreat or workshop with people I don’t already know. And sometimes I tell it with people I do know because they ask me a question like, “why are all your classes in churches?”. I realized this afternoon (while raking leaves on this gorgeous fall day) that my story has changed over the years. I’m not lying or reconstructing the past. My perspective of the story has changed, because I’ve changed.

When I first started teaching yoga it changed how I worked as a pastor. But, I didn’t intend to become a yoga instructor. I was trying to make it all fit together, make sense, and if it wasn’t seamless and obvious to you — you were the problem and the obstacle. And you probably made it in the story I told about how I persevered, and eventually became a yoga instructor who started this thing called Daily Bread Yoga. And that story that I told about how I got into yoga and out of being a pastor, involved too many other people’s opinion. I inserted their words and actions of doubt, rejection, or just blah, so that the story was far too much about them and not enough about me, oddly enough. But that was how the story felt for me, at the time.

The parts of the story I tell are different now. Most of those people have faded to the background, when I am being the most honest with myself. When I yank them to the foreground of the story (which I of course still do, on occasion) I feel a finger point of honesty, jabbing me on the side of my head, reminding me that they are not as essential to the story anymore. I have changed and the story has to change too.

But, this honesty and integrity work is hard. I don’t get the satisfaction of making someone else the problem, blaming their ignorance and arrogance, making them the greatest stumbling block on my journey to be amAzing. When I stay more honest, humble, and REAL — it is so much easier. I like the story so much better. I am kinder and more gracious to everyone, those people that I thought were a stumbling block, and especially to me. It’s a better story. And it is still true. I’m not making it up or changing the facts. But I’ve changed and thank all the heavens.

Peace on your head and all the stories changing in you,

Rachel

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